Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize