I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize