fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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