I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
