i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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