your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
