I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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