I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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