I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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