My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
