A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
birth control should be required to get into college
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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