I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize