Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
