giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
