Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its not stalking. its research.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
