The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
