You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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