K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
