I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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