rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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