How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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