it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's the barista slut.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
