I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
