If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize