Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
