I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize