the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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