I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
