I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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