return my video game
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
