He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
