Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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