I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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