Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
