Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize