we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
