suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
