I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
