I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize