really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
