I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
