Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
