her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
