Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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