Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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