Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
