Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk is not a location!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
