Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
