I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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