Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
