youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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