I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
