I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
