So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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