she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize