matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
