i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
