I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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