found the other keg... it's in the tree
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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