Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
