There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
