Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
