i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
