I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize