I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
