so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
