Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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