There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
