marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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