you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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