It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
