tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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